Are We Lost As a Species or Merely Misplaced?

People today are often saddled with angst and sharp edges. Human beings were not designed to have sharp edges. Sure, we have elbows, knees, chins, and ways to stiffen our toes and fingers, but we are not designed as blades or bludgeons, but round and soft and inviting, like breasts, cheeks, lips, or a big ol’ badonkadonk (resembling two marmots mating in a gunny sack).

The reason for this is simple. Life is thus delineated. Very little in nature possesses a horned edge except for... well, horns. Also burs, thorns, barbs, claws, and teeth, and these primarily for defense. Soft lines overwhelm every perspective—and not just bosoms. Only the environments we create in the inscrutable passage of time so boogers up the works.

 On the other hand, genes are tricky buggers, and doubtlessly edge beyond hair and eye color. This is why there are more ugly people in the world than pretty people. Two ugly people can produce a perfectly lovely offspring, but the odds are as long as an undisputed election in Georgia. Take a lovely woman with undeniably defect-free features, say, Jane Fonda, and a comely gent with an Adonian aspect, say Robert Redford. Both are fair-complexioned, fair-haired, and eyes the colors of the Caribbean Sea. However, Jane has a full mouth, a broad chin, and wide-set eyes. Robert has a sharp nose, elongated ears, and deep jawline. In some illusory state one would envision a hale and winsome offspring such as Chris Hemsworth, when the unpredictability of the twenty-thousand or so coding genes conspire to create Jay Leno.

Additionally, ugly people have more of the genes that created such forlorn aspects in the first place with the certainty of unseemliness as a prevailing trait astronomically pervasive. Pretty people creating a majority of pretty people with the odd ogre finding its way clear of the vaginal lips, and ugly people creating pretty people in far fewer numbers, as well as the virtual certainty that most progeny will carry too many unprepossessing genes to countermand, sapient life is designed to replicate ignoble features in perpetuity.

Face it. Most of us are raging barkers deigned to create the same. Also, most crime is committed by ugly people. There are more of them, of course, but maybe they’re just pissed, or else feel shortchanged.

Big-headed wonks wax in dull verbosity how things such as sexual identity, athletic acumen—or lack thereof—and even how well one might smell urine is inspired, if not dictated, by itty-bitty dots of progeniture. These relate to certain inclinations and not physical appearance, of course, but we are the way we are because the people who created us were the way they were.

Naturally, there is denial from both big- and small-heads, expounding on the fait accompli, the intractable authority of choice, espousing that human intellect is not dependent upon such criteria as much as what one chooses to read while taking a dump (or not reading at all). Obviously, one can choose to abstain, refrain, and otherwise constrain from certain urges, but only by artificial means can one alter hair and eye color, general bearing, and even sinistromanual-ness, which sounds godawful, and has historically been viewed as such, though merely means left-handed. Incidentally, gauche is the French word for left, so southpaws have had it hard for a long time. Had Moses been left-handed the Red Sea would have swole back and drowned them all.

Let us then pause, take a breath, take a good look in the mirror, and get over ourselves.