VISION AND REMEDIES ON DIVORC 

Marriages and performing marriages are very old traditions.  Marriages are performed in great style.  During the marriage functions, huge amounts are spent, for various purposes.  Marriage is a onetime function in one’s life.  Everybody hopes and expects that the bride and bridegroom should lead a happy marriage life.  After marriage, both bride and bridegroom should understand each other in every aspect, including financial, domestic, relationships and also professional career aspects.  It is, of course, to have a good insight on these aspects.  In earlier years, say during 1950’s to 2000’s, many marriages that took place and were successfully established their family in spite of many difficulties including financial aspects.  The problems were not there with the husband and wife till 2000 year.

            The problems slowly started emanating since the introduction of computerization.  Everybody became qualified, everybody became software engineers and everybody became earning members.  Moreover, huge salaries were being received especially by the ITeans in the IT sector.  Slowly, likes and dislikes started amongst many newlywed couple.  One does not know why?  There was lot of resentments with the newly married people.  The reasons are self-explanatory and may be plenty.  During the recent past, mostly in IT field who were working on software side and other related fields, love affairs became common.  Many marriages took place.  Simultaneously, there were many divorce cases.  The reasons for divorce are not well known.  Some people work at America, some people work at UK, some at Singapore, Australia, and Germany etc. 

Generally software people, who ones leave India for careers sake, never return to India.  People get settled at somewhere in some country.  They even become green card holders.  These people never bothered to get married up to the age of 35-40 years.  Many of the divorce cases are pending in various courts in India. These cases go on dragging.  Even parents are never bothered about their children’s marriage performance.

            One B Tech Itean marriage took place in India four years back with one B Tech girl.  Both went to America.  What transpired between them was not known.  The girl opted for divorce.  The divorce came after 5 years. The bridegroom had paid compensation around Rs 10.00 lakhs to the bride. There were several divorce cases pending in the courts for want of divorce. It looks that divorce has become common and regular feature.  On many petty, silly and waste matters, young couples are opting for divorce.  Most of the parents are the worried lot.  One does not know why things are leading to divorce.  It looks; we have been observing so many of misunderstandings with the new couples.  In some cases, in spite of counseling, people are not adhering and going in for divorce cases.  It looks, there is somewhere, some problem exists.

            In another known divorce case, one B Tech boy, software engineer married to one MCA girl.  Within three months, the girl opted for divorce from the boy.  One does not know any reason for this.  The bride’s parents looks to have played a major role in this. This incident happened one year ago.  Both bride and bridegroom are presently living separately.  The bride is yet to file a divorce case in the court of law.  It takes another 3-4 years easily for getting divorce in the court of law.

Before the Marriage engagement function, Both the Bridegroom and the Bride have to register their names with the competent authority of that jurisdiction or with Sub-Registrar of Marriages or any Authorized Nodal Agency or with any Government nominated Nodal Agencies either directly or through eSeva or Mee Seva Center’s, and a Certificate to the effect that so and so would like to get Marriage engagement on such a particular day, month and year and following by Marriage on a particular day, month and year.  This is only an intimation to the Government through proper channels, so that, the Government would be kept informed about the Marriage engagement and Marriage Function of particular Bridegroom and Bride. So also, local Station House Officer [Police Station] also to be kept informed about the Marriage engagement and Marriage Function with dates fixed for these functions. This will definitely, avoid future problems, troubles and other unforeseen marriage litigations and post-marriage complications, if any, arising out of misunderstandings in both the family groups. This system will work out well, and could possibly avoid post-marriage mis-understandings which may lead to divorce.

Presently, after Marriage is over, the new couple are going in for Marriage Certificates and approaching the Sub-Registrar’s Office or any authorized e-Seva or Mee Seva Centre’s for issue of Marriage Certificate. These are all called post-de-facto Certificates.

In advance, obtaining the Marriage Engagement Certificate and followed by Marriage Certificate, could reduce divorce cases.

            Parent’s involvement with the young couples looks to be the primary aspect.  Parents influence is the cause for many broken marriages.  One do not know why parents to interfere in the newlywed couple’s life.  Always new couples should be asked to live separately.

            Brides parents in India are afraid to perform marriage to bridegrooms working at foreign countries, fearing break-in marriage may take place. Moreover, there are many marriage sites existing in the websites.  It has become a very common feature to search for brides and bridegrooms.  All personal profiles look to be good and attractive.

            Now-a-days, every bride needs a software engineer bridegroom.  The main criteria are the salary package of the bridegroom.  How much bridegroom is earning.  Whether the bridegroom is having any property, lands, own building or flat including a car.  This is the criteria for any bride.  Moreover, brides are not getting married up to the age of 30-35 years. These brides want to earn as much as possible before marriage takes place.  This is the state of affair. When compared to present trend of marriages, alliances in olden day’s marriage, alliances took place in a very simple manner. Though in olden days, there was no much of money circulation, all the marriages were performed well and almost all the marriages got well established.  The problem has cropped-up, when the IT field is in full swing.  It looks, IT field only the root cause for divorce cases and break-in-marriages. One will pray The God that no more divorce cases are foreseen in the near future.

The Vision of a Bride before marriage alliance is needed, so as to assess the bridegroom’s habits.  This vision is to be counselled to all would be brides well before hand. This vision will enable would be brides to assess the bridegroom’s habits.  If this is assessed well before hand, then there will not be much of Divorce cases in the near future. This type of vision is essentially needed in these years.

To some extent remedies, after marriage, to avoid divorce would also work-out. But, however, such remedies go a long way and sometimes it may work out positively or may not work. But, divorce cases shall be avoided if proper care and remedies are taken. The first and the foremost point is to see that the Husband should not take any alcoholic drugs or drinks.  This is the main reason where marriage life get broke. For example, I will give below a small article like story, which will enlighten the couples and also would be bride and bridegrooms.

The main reason for the divorce are the habits of husbands. Husbands bad habits like drinking, drug addicting, gambling committing more debts and making uneasy environment in the family circles lead to Divorce. The remedies are essentially needed for such people. More of counselling is needed to such alcohol addicted husbands.

As an Author, I have number of friends who are regular drinkers in the social circles.  Drinking alcohol is not an issue. One can drink on few occasions. There is no problem.  But, continuously taking alcohol, day-in and day-out and dreaming high and building castles in the air, is not at all correct.  Many people lost even their lives due to high and regular drinking.  In this aspect, I would like to project few of the incidents below for the information and knowledge of all the readers.

            DRUNKARDS live in third world, enjoy and dream more. In this world of life, some people are accustomed and habituated to social drinking of alcohol including wine, vodka, brandy, and cocktails.  Taking alcohol in business sector for maintaining business relations is one thing.  Consuming alcohol of different types including foreign brands, standard brands, local made alcohol by upper middle class people are another thing.  Enjoying all types of alcohol brands each day by middle class people and lower middle class people on some occasions, looks to be common everywhere.  Taking local made liquor and other local made cheap liquor and toddy is very common and frequent by the hard labor.

            All the Governments are getting quite a good amount of revenue through the sale of different types of various liquor brands.  Few Governments depend for substantial revenue through various types of taxes.  Some Governments encourage liquor sales and some Governments do not encourage liquor sales.  Few Governments, on earlier occasions banned liquor sales in their respective States, landed in trouble due to huge loss of Government revenue thereby failed to run the governance and administration and even lost the political power. On later years, the same Governments which banned the liquor revoked the sale of liquor to raise the revenue substantially.

            Drinking alcohol in top circles (social, business, and political circles) has become the order of the day.  Lest, it is difficult to maintain the good business-socio-political relations at all levels.  Taking top alcohol brands, foreign brands, whisky and scotch in such top circles, looks to be a fashion and necessary; whereas, consuming liquor each day-in and day-out and partying every day may lead to problems.  Few people only can afford to lead such lavish style of life.

            Some upper middle class people in various business fields and sectors take regular drunks. Mostly now-a-days is seen in Information Technology field, consume liquor on week-ends and enjoy a lot.  But, this is also a costly affair.  Many people are in the middle class sector habituated to liquor of all brands and consume liquor on daily basis, by spending their hard earned money.  Even hard labor consumes local made liquor brands each day by almost spending their 60 percent of earnings.

            There are many risks involved after consuming liquor.  Number of people each day fall prey to road accidents, while some people who drive in intoxicated condition their two and four wheelers also meet with accidents.

            I have seen many people and few known friends who take alcohol on regular basis right from morning and evening are financially helpless condition to meet their family expenses and are unable to meet their regular needs for their children’s education.  It is quite a saddening affair.  Even some people who consume liquor daily are branded as ‘Drunkard’ and no social respect is given to them.

            I will give one example which I had. On one occasion, I engaged an auto-rickshaw to go to city shopping mall.  The auto driver had put on start the digital auto meter.  After passing some distance, I was getting some alcoholic type smell in the auto-rickshaw.  I thought, it was some petrol or diesel smell.  After some time, I thought it was gas auto-rickshaw. After few minutes, I thought it fit to ask the auto driver about the smell which was emanating from the auto. I was able to judge that it was alcohol smell coming from the auto driver.  No doubt, I was correct in my thinking. It was alcohol smell. Then I asked the auto-rickshaw driver whether he was intoxicated with alcoholic drunk.  He replied boldly, stating that Sir, I took a small quantum of liquor. I told him to stop the auto-rickshaw.  Immediately, the driver of the auto stopped.  I asked him, why you took alcohol when you are taking the passengers, while charging for auto service.  Is it not your duty to see the passenger’s safety?  He politely replied, sir, sorry.  It was a mistake taking alcohol and driving the auto.  I told him that, if you continue to take liquor or alcohol at this middle age, then, I don’t think you will live long and you will not be able to see your children’s marriages and your grandchildren.  Moreover, I told your spouse will have to do servant-maid job, or beg people for survival in case of any harm is done to your life.

            I told the auto driver straight-away that, people who are intoxicated with third brand liquor, or local made liquor will not live long.

            Then the auto driver replied, sir, I will stop drinking habit from now-on.  The driver realized the truth in my speaking to him on the facts.  I got down at my place and the auto driver refused to take auto charges for my good advice.

Drunkard habits are like this:

They abscond to offices.  They never work.  They make money by pledging various articles including gold and silver for the sake of drinking.  They quarrel when they are in bad moods.  They don’t speak properly.  They even speak vulgar language outside as well as at home.  They even quarrel with counterparts and their own children.  They live in third world and their dreams are high.  They make unnecessary chit-chat, speak on waste subjects and make time pass without any productive work.

            Intoxicated and drug addicted people never listen to others. They spend money towards alcohol, wine and on intoxicated items and never give money to their spouse and children.

            I have seen many of the drunkards lost their jobs, dislocated their family status, landed in many criminal cases.

Generally drunkards become gamblers in one way or the other. Gambling in the sense, playing cards, horse racing, Number games, Lottery, betting on various sports.  It is observed that quite a number of horse racing punters consume liquor and bet during horse races on horses.  It is very common that people play cards while consuming liquor of their choice and simultaneously smoke cigarettes.

One could see in many places very lengthy parked motor cycles and cards in front of wine shops, Bars and Restaurants, Toddy shops and in front of Janata Bars and Star Hotels.  Many of the Wine Shops are located in thick residential places, near to temples, and even adjacent to schools/colleges/offices/bus stands/railway stations.  Every drunkard spends money on local brand liquor and waste time, energy and loose health.  Even some regular drunkard’s beg small amounts of money and ask hot drinks from some known drunkard-mates.

Some Governments owned Wine Shops earn substantial revenue directly. All the people are influenced to take the liquor on one occasion or the other.

It is a very well-known fact, that in any major political election, municipal elections, local body elections, panchayat elections, company/factory elections, society elections etc., the liquor flows like water.  Without the supply of liquor, people looks like not tempted to work or participate in elections.  These are the back-door methods to tempt a person.

Some people consume liquor due to frustrations, family problems, financial problems, domestic problems and what not problems.  Of course, reasons are plenty to consume liquor.  Persons who are alcoholics have one reason or the other to substantiate them.  Naturally regular alcoholics will not find their growth easy.  Their family life gets dislocated and disturbed.  They often lose patience. They land in financial troubles.  They never get social respect in family and friends circle.  They are never able to meet good medical treatments in needs of time, due to lack of funds.  People never come forward to help morally or financially to drunkards.

In some States, liquor flow looks to be seen as more than cash flow.  In some States and villages drinking water is not available to common person; but, all types of liquor is made available at cost.  At some places, whoever purchases liquor, water of 100 Milli Liter or 200 Milli Liter sachets are given free of cost.

It is, many a times observed that drunkards and regular alcohol drinkers are always irregular to their professional works, due to uneasy, ill-health and hangovers.  Regular drunkards mind will be very simple, that they want to consume liquor some-how.  Drunkards always speak non-stop and good orators at that particular intoxication ti8me and power of speech will be more. They get extra energy at some particular point of time.  But, drunkards become weak and slowly lose their health and land in major health problems.  Drunkard’s longevity is reduced.  Drunkards lose their social status, family reputation will be lost, living standards will fall-down, and social respect will be lost, children’s education will be disturbed and many long run family troubles and disturbances are to be foreseen, which even can lead to divorce of husband and wife, all due to consumption of alcohol, infighting within the family and domestic circles will be frequent and regular.

For alcoholics and drunkards, there are de-addiction centers, rehabilitation centers, nature cure centers and many other Non-Governmental Organization centers could be seen at number of places.  Such centers addresses could be located through search engine websites like yahoo.com, google.com, rediffmail.com etc.

Drunkards can reduce their drinking habits, smoking habits and other narcotic drugs habits slowly, if they want to stop consumption of all types of intoxicated items.  Every person has got The God given Will Power.

All the good habits Pay on one day or the other to a person and for bad habits one has to pay the cost at one time or the other.

Thank  You

VISION AND REMEDIES ON DIVORCE

                                                                                                             By                         

MANTRI PRAGADA MARKANDEYULU

[B Com, DBM, PGDCA, DCCP]

Author, Story and Song Writer.

Hyderabad -Telangana State – India

+91-9951038802